The fake gun insanity is spreading across the fruited plain of America. Ever since the Newtown, Connecticut massacre school officials have taken leave of the senses suspending students for actions that once were as innocent as nibbling Poptarts into fanciful shapes.
That’s right, Poptarts and we don’t mean Brittany Spears, we mean the breakfast pastry. On March 1st a 7-year old boy was sent home from school and suspended for two days for doing what comes naturally, nibbling on a Poptart and making it into a shape. The young boy insists that he was making the shape of a mountain while his hyper-sensitive teacher said that it was in the shape of a gun. “All I was trying to do was turn it into a mountain but, it didn’t look like a mountain really and it turned out to be a gun kinda.”
Almost immediately, the school went into full crisis mode. The young potential shooter’s parents were summoned to the school and he was suspended for two days. His father was astonished with the severity of the punishment but that wasn’t the end of the insanity. “I would almost call it insanity. I mean with all the potential issues that could be dealt with at school, real threats, bullies, whatever the real issue is, it’s a pastry.., Ya know?”
A letter was quickly composed and dispatched with the perpetrator’s fellow students parents explaining the incident saying, “A student used food to make an inappropriate gesture.”
Lest you think that this is an isolated incident, think again. All across America students are being punished for “inappropriate gestures”, with or without food.
In Colorado, another 7-year old boy was suspended for throwing an imaginary grenade on the playground. His teacher immediately “disarmed” the tiny terrorist and he was promptly suspended for his dastardly actions.
Then we have the 6-year old in Maryland who was suspended for making a gun shape with his fingers. A Montgomery County elementary school student was suspended for a pretend gunshot. The 6-year-old made a gun with his hands, pointed it at another student and said “pow,” according to the boy’s attorney. He was given a one-day suspension, with a conference on the matter planned for Jan. 2, the day students return to school from winter break.
Lest you think that only boys are being singled out for suspension, a 5-year old girl in Pennsylvania was suspended for have a plastic gun in her backpack. The deadly weapon was able to shoot bubbles. O, the horror!
The list of these ridiculous punishments continues ad nauseum. But here’s the real issue. Are we allowing seemingly-brain dead school administrators to shepherd our children through the most formative years of their lives?
